Out of the Mouths of Babes

My daughter says some funny stuff. There isn't a day that goes by where she doesn't make me laugh.
Now that she's a "Soldier In Training" - there's a fair amount of cussing coming out of her mouth.
I've always told her "I don't care if you cuss, just don't cuss at me, and be mindful of whom you use that language around (teachers, grandparents, etc.) I'm not sure why, but I find it absolutely hilarious when she cusses. I mean, I literally laugh out loud.

One example. We were on our way home after a long drill weekend, and we stopped for refreshments at a fast food place. She ended up getting one of those ice cream mixed up things with m&m's in it.
As we're walking out the door to the car, she says:

Now I remember why I don't like these things. The m&m's bleed and I end up shitting rainbows like a unicorn.

I swear I laughed all the way home (a 30 minute drive).

But the army isn't only teaching her to cuss. She's learning useful things too! Like this weekend at drill.
She comes home and says "I learned how to search a detainee."
"Oh really?" I say. She says "Turn around I'll show you."

So I played along. She tells me to raise my arms out to my sides and she begins patting me down. She gets to my waist, where she locates my pocket knife. She says in a business like manner "Please remove that from your pocket and hand it to me." So I remove it from my pocket - only it's one of those that has open assist, and does it automatically when it catches on the inside of your pocket. So by the time I have it out and I say "You mean this?" (I should've spun around, but didn't think about it til just now - hey, I was in the middle of grilling steaks! LOL) she's telling her imaginary soldier buddies "She's got a knife!" and yelling "Get down on the ground!" in a low pitched voice like there's someone else there with us.
The whole thing had me laughing really hard, but then I realized, she had my knife in her hand. She flipped the blade closed, and stuck it in her pocket.

I had to get mean to get it back from her.


 Little twerp.


I need to enjoy these crazy moments while I can. She'll leave the nest soon. <3